cloud 9

Today started out as a good day.  I had a fantastic job interview and came home on cloud nine.  I will be working in administration and marketing for a wealth management firm and studying to become a financial advisor.  Now, 7 hours after my interview and being on cloud nine, my anxiety is quite high.  I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin or in my head.  The frontal cortex, the part of my brain that thinks rationally and logically, has been hijacked by my limbic system, the part of the brain that remembers trauma, stores emotion, and makes decisions in survival mode.

In these moments, it’s hard to concentrate or think clearly.  For these times, my therapist helped me create a safe box that has different items and tools to help alleviate my anxiety.  I’m starting with my flashcards: “put your feelings in a bucket,” “go to a quiet place,” “listen to music,” “play the piano.”  I think I’m going to play the piano.  I’ll record a little bit of it for you all to hear.

I try to remember to do these things in faith, trusting that as I bring my prayer to God with thanksgiving, I should be anxious for nothing…and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

For the person reading this that is having anxiety right now and has been told this scripture, be anxious for nothing as if it’s that easy, I’m hear for you.  Be encouraged; God is not finished with your testimony.  He’s not finished writing mine either.  Everyday isn’t rainbows and unicorns, today started out that well but at the moment, its storm clouds, thunder, and lighting.  But I am in God’s hands and so are you.

Do more than survive, live!

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